Why Do New Year Resolutions Never Work?

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It’s January, the time of year when we aspire to be or accomplish something new. You don’t have to wait for January to decide to improve yourself, but it’s as good a time as any, and definitely the most popular time. We’re two weeks in now, the gyms are packed, we’re paying closer attention to our budgets, our pantries are full of healthier foods, you know how it goes. These are all good things, but unfortunately, studies show that about 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail by mid-February. Maybe your resolution is already floundering.

James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, says people don’t rise to the level of their goals, they fall to the level of their systems. I think he’s exactly right. We’re good at setting goals and making resolutions, but we’re bad at making lasting changes. And it’s not because we don’t want it enough or because we make disingenuous resolutions, it’s because humans operate by default and we fail to address our default habits. Goals don’t change behavior regardless of how SMART they are or whether or not they qualify as BHAG. We need new systems, new defaults, and new habits, maybe not another resolution.

So how do we change our systems? James Clear talks about becoming 1% better each day by doing something small. It could be one pushup per day if you want to build a workout habit. It could be one call per day if you want to build a networking habit. You mold your identity by consistently doing the things the type of person you aspire to be does. Each time you do something, no matter how small, your new identity is reinforced. If I’m an athletic person, I workout. Weight loss and muscle gains simply follow. If I’m a successful salesperson, I network. Income is simply a result. My default habits would never change by simply thinking about my weight loss goal or even by putting down my income goals on paper (I, like most of us, have tried). Change requires action, no matter how small. A helpful quote I’ve come across (attributed to several different authors including Millar Fuller and Jerry Sternin) summarizes this idea nicely: “It’s easier to act your way into a new way thinking than to think your way into a new way of acting.” Alan Deutschman, in his book Change or Die, says, “It’s obvious that what we believe and what we feel influences how we act. That’s common sense. But the equation works in the other direction as well: How we act influences what we believe and what we feel. That’s one of the most counterintuitive yet powerful principles of modern psychology (p78).” He adds, “You have to do things a new way before you can think in a new way (p79).”

It’s interesting to think about the purpose of all of this. We set goals at the beginning of each year because we want to accomplish things, for sure. But I think the more significant reason we spend all of this time on goals is that we aspire to be better persons. The most basic thing we’re after is a change in our identity. I won’t stray into the mire of philosophical implications here, but I think that’s a clarifying thought. The accomplishment we’re after is a change in identity, not another New Year’s resolution. Our identity changes when our default behaviors and habits change. Act different in order to think different. Start small, start simple, do something laughably easy, and then don’t ever stop.

What phone do you have?

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For technophiles, like yours truly, this is a really fun question. It clues me into your level of technophilia, tells me something about your priorities, and it’s a nice way to get a light conversation going on a subject about which I probably know more than you do.
But, as a confessed technophile, it’s a question I don’t only ask other people, in fact, more often it becomes a conversation I have with myself. I regularly overthink about which phone I have, why I have this phone, if I should get a different phone, if I were to get a different phone which one would it be, if I did have a different phone in mind how would I go about procuring one, and it goes on (that sounds much more disturbed as I write it out than it does when it’s happening in my brain). It doesn’t only happen with phones either. I fret about which computer to use, what configurations would be best, what size, what model, should I use a iPad instead, what if I got a desktop, if I were to get something different where would I get it, what would I do with my old one, and on, and on, and on (now I’m starting to think I may have a problem). The questions themselves aren’t bad, and the purpose, I tell myself, is worthy: I want to use tools that will help me be most effective. But, I made a discovery this morning, or maybe more like something I knew all along but pretended to not know. I determined that my effectiveness is much more affected by my endless, meandering indecision than by the tools I have or could have. So, in the interest of actual effectiveness, I’ve made a resolution: no more tech questions for one full year. I’ll allow myself the space to re-evaluate next year, conveniently right around my birthday, and decide if I want to change anything. Until then, I’m using what I’ve got, which honestly is pretty great anyways. I am a technophile after all.